


Optimism

by immistermercury



Series: spin-off fluorescent!verse [3]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, HIV/AIDS, Serious Illness, and that's the tea, antiretroviral treatment!, fluorescent! verse again, freddie is 28, if you hated what I published last night, jim is 32, oliver is 7, read this instead!, slightly more relevant this time, talulah is 6, this is what should've happened to freddie irl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21847069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immistermercury/pseuds/immistermercury
Summary: Talulah tiptoed into the room, her heart lighting up at the realisation that her father was looking better; she’d hadn’t liked it when his bones had stuck out, when he looked awfully pale, when he was cold and didn’t seem like he was listening to her stories. “Daddy?” She whispered.Jim picked her up and sat her in his lap. “Let’s not wake Daddy, princess.” He said quietly. “He likes it if you hold his hand while he’s asleep.”She leaned over and took her father’s hand, holding it gently. “He’s warm.” She whispered, sounding awed.“It’s because he’s getting better.” Jim murmured, kissing the top of her head. “The doctors are making him better.”Oliver faltered by the side of the bed. “Can I, Pop?” He asked.“Only if you’re very careful.” Jim said seriously. Oliver pulled himself up onto the bed, kicked off his shoes and lay next to his father, cushioning his head on Freddie’s bicep; he squealed and giggled when Freddie kissed the top of his head unexpectedly.
Relationships: Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury
Series: spin-off fluorescent!verse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767547
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	Optimism

**Author's Note:**

> I'm now doing alternative endings for alternative endings, apparently?

He was deteriorating, and he was deteriorating fast. Ever since he’d been diagnosed, Jim had watched him lose a little more spirit, a little hope; the fire behind his eyes had disappeared when he’d lost the energy to get out of bed, and he’d lost a little part of who he was when the sarcoma had started eating into his leg.

“Baby?” Jim asked, laying down in bed beside him. “Darling, how are you feeling?”

He couldn’t predict how he’d feel, but he knew how he looked: sunken, hollow, defeated. The bird bones in his wrists, lithe and agile, were teetering on dangerously fragile, and he was smaller now than he had been at the end of every season, when he was well-trained and keeping himself slim; Jim hated the jut of his hip bones, his ribs, watching him waste away. 

Freddie had barely even recognised he was there, and Jim could hear an unfamiliar shortness of breath that brought tears to his eyes and his heart into his throat. He wasn’t willing to give him up yet.

“Baby?” Jim tried again, wrapping an arm around him to ground him in the immediate, in the physical. “Freddie, can you hear me?”

He got a small answering groan as Freddie tried his best to roll over; he exhaustedly pillowed his head on his lover’s chest. He could stay there for hours on days like today. “I’m breathing.” He murmured.

That was Freddie’s code word for  _ everything hurts, I can’t stand it, but I’m still alive.  _ Jim kissed the top of his head and rubbed his back lightly, thankful that at least his lover was still there, still responsive.

“Daddy?” Talulah whispered from the doorway, looking over both men in bed. Once upon a time, she would’ve run straight into their arms, but now she sought permission; they never knew how poorly her Daddy would be at any time.

Freddie lifted his head a little to look for her, and Jim was thankful that he was responding a little more positively to her; he’d take whatever reassurance he could get. “Come here, angel.” He said, voice rough. Jim helped pull her up and lay her down between them, where she always felt safest, warmest, happiest. 

“Freddie-” Jim put on his sweetest voice, using the time that he was distracted by his daughter to bring up their ongoing battle. “I think it’s time to go to the hospital, sweetheart.”

Freddie looked up and scowled at him, and the sight almost brought a smile to Jim’s face. Anger was one of the few things left that Freddie felt whole-heartedly, like when he’d been well and he’d been told to slow down and he’d always replied that  _ I’ll slow down when I’m dead, darling! _

“I’m not going to the hospital.” Freddie insisted, playing with Talulah’s hair. “I want to die here.” 

Listening to him say it so bluntly made a lump form in Jim’s throat. “Just- just listen.” He said quietly. “They’re talking about this new treatment, and it’s- it’s not a cure, but it can almost reverse everything that’s happened. It’s all over the news.”

“I’ve tried everything, darling, nothing gets past me.” Freddie softened his voice a little and took his lover’s hand.

“These are new.” Jim insisted, squeezing his cold fingers. “I’ve never heard of them before, darling, and you- I think you should try them.”

* * *

Peter takes Freddie to the hospital when he’s fast asleep and couldn’t even dream of resisting.

* * *

Freddie tapped the back of his hand against his cheek; it felt a little more full, a little less sunken than it had since he’d lost all the weight. “You really know how to treat a girl right, don’t you?” He smiled tiredly at the nurse.

She chuckled and linked up a plasmalyte bag. “You’re certainly hooked up to an awful lot right now.” She agreed.

“What’s going in?” He asked, only half-interested.

“Well-” She looked at each of the bags he was hooked up to. “You’ve got IV nutrition, IV fluids, chemotherapy and I’ll be bringing around thousands of pills for you to be taking at all times of the day and night.”

“Wonderful.” Freddie replied, without humour; he closed his eyes heavily. “Any visitors?”

“Only photographers.” She smiled. “And I didn’t think you’d want to see them, somehow.”

“Wait-” Freddie said up a little, propping himself up on one elbow. “Why am I on chemotherapy?”

“Those patches on your leg are cancerous.” She told him. “And we want to stop it spreading.”

“Brilliant. I love this illness.” He took a glass of water from her and sipped it idly. “Thank you.”

* * *

Jim faltered nervously outside the door; he could only imagine how fuming Freddie was that he’d ended up in the one place he’d always wanted to avoid. He pushed down the handle and walked into his little room nervously, expecting to see worse than the last time they’d been together.

He was pleasantly surprised.

Freddie had a little more colour in his cheeks, and his cheeks looked a little fuller; his chest didn’t wheeze so alarmingly as he slept, and he looked more peaceful, as though he wasn’t in such pain. Jim felt immediately better and went and sat beside his bed, lightly touching one of his hands - it was still colder than anything - and allowed himself to doze in the chair. 

He woke up when Freddie rested his cheek on his hand, an invitation to pet his face. He smiled tiredly and stroked the sharp highlight of his cheekbone, soft and rhythmic and gentle; Freddie could’ve melted in the palm of his hand. “Come here.” He murmured, easing himself across the bed as carefully as he could.

“You want me?” Jim asked shyly.

“No, I thought I’d move for the sake of nothing.” Freddie smiled tiredly and held an arm out for him. “I’m cold.”

“Well, I can’t have that, can I?” Jim lay beside him and let him shuffle into a position that was comfortable for him. He rested a hand on Freddie’s back and kissed the top of his head, finally feeling as though he could breathe for the first time in months. “How are you feeling?”

“A lot better.” He admitted begrudgingly. “I hate that you were right.”

“I just thought it was worth a go.” Jim admitted. “What are you on?”

“IV nutrition.” He looked up at the bag. “Which is good, because all the medication makes me feel sick, and it means I don’t have to eat much. Then I’ve got fluids, chemo and these new tablets that they bring around every few hours.”

Jim smiled and closed his eyes contentedly. “Let’s see if they make a difference.”

* * *

“I really can’t deal with another bed bath.” Freddie rubbed his forehead exhaustedly. “Or another catheter.”

The nurse came and sat beside him, rubbing the back of his hand gently. “What would you prefer, darling?” She asked softly.

“I want my husband.” He said quietly, sounding like one of the children. “I just want my family, I want to take a bath with my husband, I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“I know.” She said gently. “I tell you what- if you want me to help you to the bathroom, sweetheart, I will, and then we can call up Jim and ask him to come down and he could take a bath with you.”

“I didn’t even know that there were baths in hospital.” Freddie murmured, but he looked a little brighter at the idea. 

“We have one at the end of this corridor. They’re used for patients that can’t stand for long periods of time but hate bed baths.” She smiled.

“Like me.” Freddie rubbed his arm and pulled himself up to sitting. “I feel like I’d be alright if I had like a crutch, or something.” He suggested. “Just for my bad leg.”

She went over to the wardrobe beside him and pulled out a crutch, smiling. “Something like this?”

“Perfect.” He took it off her and adjusted it to his usual size - he’d used these far too many times, and he knew the rules perfectly - and then stood up, leaning heavily on it. “This is- this is alright, actually.”

“Good!” She smiled and opened up his bathroom door for him. “Shout me if you need, darling.”

* * *

Jim cupped the warm water in his hand and ran it through the soap in Freddie’s hair, smiling to himself. “You haven’t had hair like this since the seventies.” He chuckled.

“It’s disastrous, isn’t it?” Freddie smiled and leaned back against him, savouring the feeling of his chest against his back, his strong arms keeping him close and warm. “We haven’t done this for a long time.”

“It’s nice that you’ve got the energy to do it.” Jim ran another handful of water through his hair. “Oliver really wants to come and see you.”

Freddie smiled at the idea and leaned back to press a kiss to his jaw. “Thank you for coming to visit me. I’d love to see them again.”

“He sometimes cries because he misses you.” Jim said softly. “The hospital has such strict regulations when it comes to children, they’re so scared of you getting another infection. The nurse told me off for laying with you the other day, I’m not supposed to touch the bed or anything.”

“Oh, fuck that.” Freddie rolled his eyes and rested his head back against his lover’s collarbone, having as much contact between his body and his husband’s. “If I want you close, I’m going to have you close. I’d still have sex with you if I wasn’t exhausted and wouldn’t literally kill you.”

Jim kissed his temple gently. “If you submit a written request to see the children, I’ll do the social services side of it. I can’t imagine Charlotte will say no to the little ones seeing Daddy in hospital.”

Freddie smiled, starting to feel a little tired. “I don’t like how many hoops there are to see my own children.” He admitted. “But I’ll do it.”

“I know, darling.” Jim kissed his temple again, loving how close he was, and how warm he felt, even if it was the warmth of the water around them.

* * *

“Okay, so-” Jim knelt in front of Talulah, buttoning her coat, and then pulled on Oliver’s hat. “We have to have some rules, okay? We’re going to see Daddy.”

“Daddy!” Oliver threw his arms around Jim’s neck. “Thank you, thank you!”

Jim chuckled; he’d known it was going to make his little man much happier. “Are you listening, Bear?” He asked carefully.

He nodded immediately. “Rules.” He repeated.

“Good boy.” Jim kissed his cheek. “So, when we get to the hospital, we have to go and see a nice lady who’s going to give us some special bracelets to show that we’re allowed to see Daddy. You have to be on your best behaviour.” He told them seriously. “Think about when Daddy was at home, and he was very tired. We don’t want to hurt him by being too loud.”

Talulah nodded. “Can I cuddle Daddy?”

“Yes.” Jim smiled at her happy face. “But you have to be very careful, because he’s got some wires and tubes in his hands and his arms and you’re not allowed to touch them, okay? It could make him poorly.”

* * *

Freddie had a nurse drag a chair into the shower for him, and he managed to get through a shower, making himself a little more presentable for his family. His hair was drying, now, into those loose curls that his lover had always adored - it was thinning out from the chemo, but Freddie was privately hoping that he’d come off it before long. He was fast asleep, tucked up in one of the blankets Jim had brought from home, warm and content.

Talulah tiptoed into the room, her heart lighting up at the realisation that her father was looking better; she’d hadn’t liked it when his bones had stuck out, when he looked awfully pale, when he was cold and didn’t seem like he was listening to her stories. “Daddy?” She whispered.

Jim picked her up and sat her in his lap. “Let’s not wake Daddy, princess.” He said quietly. “He likes it if you hold his hand while he’s asleep.”

She leaned over and took her father’s hand, holding it gently. “He’s warm.” She whispered, sounding awed. 

“It’s because he’s getting better.” Jim murmured, kissing the top of her head. “The doctors are making him better.”

Oliver faltered by the side of the bed. “Can I, Pop?” He asked.

“Only if you’re very careful.” Jim said seriously. Oliver pulled himself up onto the bed, kicked off his shoes and lay next to his father, cushioning his head on Freddie’s bicep; he squealed and giggled when Freddie kissed the top of his head unexpectedly.

“I’m half awake.” He murmured, resting his nose in Oliver’s hair and gently squeezing Talulah’s hand.

“Daddy!” Talulah whispered excitedly, leaning in.

He raised his hand to rub his eyes awake and then smiled at her. “Hello, darling.” He said tiredly. “Daddy wore himself out having a shower.”

Oliver leaned up and touched Freddie’s hair. “It’s long again.” He smiled.

“I think I like it like this.” Freddie brushed his fingers through his son’s hair, equally long. “What do you think?”

“You’re like me.” Oliver laughed. “We match.”

“Twins.” Freddie said playfully, tickling his tummy.

Oliver giggled and flailed, but he was careful not to hit Freddie. 

“Oh, we’ve got the family!” His nurse walked into the room and smiled delightedly. “It’s medication time, darling.” She held out his tablets and gave him a bottle of sterile water. 

Freddie pulled himself up to sitting and took his tablets quickly, downing a little more of the water when he realised he was feeling dehydrated. Jim sat beside him, Talulah in his lap, when he moved over for him, and wound an arm around his waist. Freddie rested his head on his lover’s shoulder and looked up at his nurse - she seemed to be faltering, hesitant to speak. “Is everything okay?” He asked roughly.

“We- we got the result of the biopsy on your leg, to see if the chemotherapy has been helping.” She said gently, and sat beside the bed. “You’re in remission, Freddie.”

He gasped, looking happier than Jim had seen in months. “I’m in remission?”

“There’s no sign of the tumours left, and it hasn’t spread.” She smiled. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Oh my fucking God-” Freddie threw his arms around his lover and kissed him. “I’m in remission!”

“I’m never letting you ignore my suggestions ever again.” Jim muttered, kissing his forehead.

“There’s more.” She laced her fingers together. “Your blood tests are showing that your viral load has gone down. The drugs are working.”

Freddie didn’t realise he was crying until Jim wiped his eyes with the pads of his thumbs, kissing him ever so gently. “Why are you crying, sweetheart?” He asked softly.

“I thought I was going to die.” He whispered. “I- I had pneumonia, I had cancer, I wasn’t supposed to survive-”

Jim hugged him a little closer and soothed him, stroking his hair. “You’re not going anywhere.” He murmured. “You’ve got more fight in you yet.”

“I love you.” Freddie whispered. “I love you all, I love you so much, I couldn’t ask for a better family.”

“Would you like the best news?” She asked with a smile. “You can go home. You don’t need the chemotherapy anymore, and we trust you to take your medication, seeing as it’s working so well for you.”

“Your own bed.” Jim kissed his nose with a chuckle.

“Our bed.” He insisted. “I don’t ever want to be apart from you all, ever again.”

* * *

Freddie sat on the grass in the garden, dressed up in his big coat and tracksuit bottoms, happy to just sit in the quiet and listen to the birds, enjoying the sunshine on his face that he thought he’d never feel again. He’d managed to get down the stairs, dressed, and out into the garden all by himself, with only the support of his crutch, and he was enjoying being so fiercely independent again. 

“Freddie?” He heard Roger, standing at the top of the stairs to their garden, and smiled up at him.

“Hello, darling.” He replied. 

“God, look at you!” Roger ran down the stairs and fell to his knees next to Freddie, wrapping his arms around him quickly. “Little birdy told me you were back home, and Phoebe let me in.”

“Who was the bird?” He asked curiously.

“The Daily Mail.” He rolled his eyes and sat beside him. “You look so much better.”

“I feel it, darling.” He chuckled. “I thought I was a goner, but it turns out the world had mercy on me, and that my husband’s a clever bitch.”

Roger laughed. “It’s nice to see you smiling again.”

* * *

“Jim?” Olga ran after him down the corridor. “Jim, darling, what are you doing here?”

“I believe I’ve got two classes scheduled to play after midday.” He replied. 

Olga faltered, misinterpreting his reason for distracting himself; she’d always imagined he’d come back to work when Freddie had gone. “Are you okay?” She asked, her voice softening. “Is he..?”

“He’s back home.” Jim smiled shyly. “The cancer’s in remission and the AIDS drugs are working. I just think he’ll break up with me if we spend a minute more in each other’s company, so I thought I’d pull my weight around here until I go and pick up the children.”

She looked absolutely delighted. “You should bring him to come and see us.” She said excitedly. “When he’s got the energy, I mean.”

“I will.” He promised. “I imagine he’d like to get out the house.”

* * *

He was still on the one crutch, though he was less dependent on it now, and Jim’s arm was careful and tight around his waist as they walked through the foyer of the Opera House. Freddie looked like a child at Christmas, the same expression on his first time walking through those big doors; he couldn’t take his eyes off the chandeliers, the beautiful glass architecture-

He looked up when he heard clapping, cheeks burning scarlet when he saw the dancers, the staff, all applauding him.

“What a welcome!” He said, secretly delighted as Jim helped him up the stairs. He couldn’t stop himself from laughing as Mary dropped a kiss on his cheek, so happy to be back where he was. He didn’t know if he’d ever dance again, if he’d ever step foot on the amphitheatre stage, but he was happy to know he’d always have a family here. “You should be working!” 

“How could we?” Olga smiled, coming forward. “We knew you were coming in and we were all excited, darling.”

“You’re so lovely.” He smiled, looking up at Jim. “Did you know about this?”

“Maybe.” He chuckled. “I wanted to make you smile.”

“We’re all so proud of you, darling, for not giving up.” She said gently, pressing a kiss to Freddie’s cheek. “It hasn’t been the same without you around here.”

  
  


_ He rested the palms of his hands on his thighs, panting a little, and he looked up at Olga from under his hair with a beaming smile on his face. _

_ “Come on, darling!” She laughed. “And arabesque-” _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this one was far more enjoyable! Leave your thoughts below~~


End file.
